she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
