Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
