I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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