you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
