God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
