she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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