She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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