How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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