i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
