If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
