Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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