Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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