Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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