Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
