does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
