Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
