I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
