So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
