hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
