You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
