well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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