Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
