its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
