so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's never too late to be topless.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
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Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
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Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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