5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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