i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
