she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I checked into jail on foursquare
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
