bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
