plz talk dirty to me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
