So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
