You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Blood and glitter go together right?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
