I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
