the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
