You just made me feel so damn special
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Everyone says I win the strip club
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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