I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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