I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you will always have a special place in my vag
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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