I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i've created a new STD.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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