I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
