I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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