The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
