I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
