Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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