One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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