Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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