My first STD was from a foam party
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
