For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
