my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
