I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
