Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
