My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
