Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
