census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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