It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
