dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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