Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
