She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
