Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I touched a dick in church today
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
