Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
