I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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