so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
