You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
