ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
