If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
