You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
