I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
