Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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