Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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