Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
