If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
sex in a hospital.. check
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
