oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
