You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
No subtext here. People are naked.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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